What I Really Crave

Last month my boyfriend and I went to California and rode the Pacific Coast Highway down to Santa Barbara within a span of 10 days. We visited San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Monterey, Carmel and Santa Barbara. I don't want to say that it was an amazing trip because it undermines the entire experience but in lack of a better word I'm just going to say it was a 'perspective-changing' experience. I've always had a feeling that I was meant to live in California  and envisioned myself moving there immediately. I think my soul belongs there. After being back for a month, I'm still not fully convinced but I find myself daydreaming about the coastline or the peaches I tasted at the farmers market in San Francisco. I'm a big damn hippie. Always have been and always will be and with yoga, organic produce, markets, restaurants, comfortable climate, and all around scenic views, I can't find any reason not to love California ( I'm envisioning San Francisco specifically).

San Francisco is now officially more expensive to live in than New York City. People, it friggin' sucks. It's hard enough to live in New York City. No sense moving across the country, settling down, and try to make a living in a place where you have no friends or family. My boyfriend loved the trip but he has no interest leaving the east coast... at least not yet or anytime soon. Honestly, it bums me out a little. If things were to ever get serious, I don't want to feel confined to the east coast. I guess I'd have to find something to love about Jersey or New York state but I think I'd be super bored. I just know, somewhere in the back of my mind that I am not meant to stay in NYC.I don't want to feel like I'm hustling all the time. I'd like to get on the train one morning and not feel like a warrior. I want to eat peaches that do not taste like Styrofoam.  I can't even stand going into Trader Joes anymore. The thought of buying food there makes my stomach churn.

Joe wherever you are, you need to get it together. Organic, schm-organic. Your produce is slacking.

Besides the produce, I really miss the Pacific blue of the ocean. It really is like no other. If you're accustomed the Seward green of the Hudson or Orchard Beach in the Bronx, than I am truly, truly sorry. The water is supposed to be a reflection of the sky. The reason why the water is a dried-booger green on any given day is beyond me.

Dat Cawfee

Every time I drink coffee, I try to write something or figure out a way to be creative. The problem is that when I do, I find myself not having anything to write about. So I guess I'll write about my coffee addiction. I don't like to depend on anything or anyone. I like to harness, build and create my own establishments; I don't like depending on something/someone to get to a certain point. That being said, I hate the fact that sometimes I need coffee to enjoy everyday life. I'm going to tell you that before I drank half of this coffee, my eyes were feeling dry and heavy. I was in the midst of a headache and my bones were beginning to feel weak. Now, I feel like Mary Poppins in love with life, ready to swift away in a red umbrella and hand everyone homemade organic cookies. I wish I was joking.

Coffee is a 2-hour nap in liquid form. Ever feel like shit before going to sleep than wake up feeling pretty decent? Did you ever feel like you hate your job, life and everyone around you and than take a sip of coffee and find yourself feeling grateful, right after? Coffee is a powerful drug. I'm tried of feeling tired. I want to build my own coffee. From within.

I've recently felt the need to cut back on coffee. Not because of the health effects but because it makes me too damn motivated. I know, it's probably the dumbest reason but let me tell you, I'm doing this for my own good/survival. I've noticed recently that after I drink coffee, I become super motivated and start looking up ways to get myself involved or participate in something. Recently I started thinking about going back to school and the idea has me pretty overwhelmed.

When I was in high school and still dreamed of being a meteorologist, I really wanted to go to Penn State but once I learned about the out-of-state expenses, I cowered and backed out. I decided to stay in the city, let the government pay for my education and went to Hunter to become an English major because I had "some" interest in writing. I don't regret going to Hunter but I do feel myself going back to weather every time. It's always been a childhood dream of mine and frankly every time I think about my sister telling people how I used to predict the weather when I was younger, it puts a smile on my face. Now it sounds all fine and dandy to resume and follow my dreams  but in doing so, I would leave every aspect of my New York City life behind. If  you read my last post, there's really nothing much about New York that I'll miss besides my family and boyfriend, whom I love very much. I also have a fairly decent and stable job , which I  just kind of started and pays pretty well. Lord, I'm going to have a lot of debt :(.

This is definitely something that I'd have to sit down, think long and hard about. Discuss it with my loved ones and see what they say. Ugh, I just want to sit under a tree by the grass and take a bite of juicy California peach.